Society

Society has destroyed us. It is as simple as that. But, I realized today, for the first time in a long time, that I can truly be confidant in myself without society's approval. What changed? I did. I have a friend who is struggling with disordered eating and, for some reason, it was particularly bad today. It got to the point where I asked if she would be okay if this problem destroyed her and made her do things that she wouldn't typically do. Do you know what she said to me? She said yeah, she would be okay with it as long as she lost weight.

 In that moment, my heart broke so completely. I am not exaggerating when I say that I felt physical pain when I read that.  This friend is someone that I care about so, so much. The fact that she is dealing with this destroys me. What is worse is that I have other friends who have dealt with this and, currently deal with this. In fact, I have dealt with this. Speaking from personal experience, I stopped eating because I felt fat and unworthy and was disgusted with myself. But, today, when my dear friend told me that she was willing to let disordered eating destroy her, I finally realized that I am done letting society dictate how I feel about myself.

 I am an average girl. I weigh 163 pounds, my hair is definitely not perfect, I have NO sense of fashion (ask my roommate)... Society would not consider me beautiful in any way, shape, or form. Up until today, I let that control how I felt about myself. Society cannot tell me how to feel about myself. Why do we let "society" control us? Let me ask you something: who is society? We always say, society this and society says that, but who are we talking about? For me, society has always been that beautiful model on the cover of magazines, proving to me that I will never be good enough. Society is that girl who everyone thinks is the most beautiful, but deep down, she is struggling with as much insecurity as anybody else, but no one sees that.

I can't fix society. I also know that this is an issue that has been around for a long time and doesn't want to disappear anytime soon. But, I want to make a difference. I NEED to make a difference. No one should want a problem to destroy them so that they lose weight. And disordered eating is not the only thing I hear about. Throughout this year, people have come to me with other things like self-harm, friendship drama, hypocrisy, stress related issues, and so much more. So, I'm here to say that something needs to change besides me. This is not a new idea and, it seems impossible, but it's not. I did not create this blog to gain followers or to make a step-by-step process on how to cure some issue that you are dealing with. I created this blog so that someday, maybe, one person will be changed that way that I was changed today. I don’t know what exactly I am going to do, but I am going to do something to fix this issue. I’m doing this because today, I feel beautiful. I feel worthy. I feel amazing. And, most of all, I feel like an imperfect perfection and I couldn’t ask for a better feeling.